First thing Monday morning, they sacked a guy who started at the company in July. I think it was amicable. And by amicable I mean, at the time of his firing they hadn't yet discovered the magnitude of his capacity for error, and so he left on a shrug and a "sorry" instead of through the hail of
obscenties that would come later. He was, to put it gently, a flaming moron, a billboard for stupid -- a man who lowered the average IQ of any collective just by entering the room.
An email was circulated, informing the staff that so-and-so had "left us." This is one of those dear corporate phrases whose gentle suggestion allows for rampant speculation among employees. We all know that "left us" translates roughly to "had about 15 minutes to clean out his desk before security was on its way up to escort him out of the building."
Then everyone waits for an"all clear" so that we can start pooling together at cublicle edges and gossip.
And as is this case with most things in life - law of nature really - one fool's misfortune was another's gain. In this instance, I was the winning fool. About an hour after the "he left us" email circulated, I received another email informing me that my annual review had been moved up from the end of the month to...in one hour. Being the clever type, I was able to put a few things together. So at the end of my glowing review, it was no surprise that I was being given a decent raise and a promotion.
I am no longer "assistant" anything.
Make your own damn copies.