Girl with bag: Oh my God. I can't believe I just bought this. I've never spent this much money on [item] before.
Friend: But it's a [item] from [store where all the tags read "Made in Italy"]. It was really a steal for a [item] from [store where all the tags read "Made in Italy"]. I mean, you don't find quality like that other places. And this is going to last.
Girl with bag: That's true. And it really is a very versitile [item]. But I just don't know...I'll barely cover rent this month, now. Do you think I should return it?
Friend: It's up to you. But, I'll tell you this, you looked amazing in that [item].
Girl with bag: I did, didn't I? It's such a sexy [item].
Friend: [Man's name] is totally going to weep when he sees you in this. And [woman's name] is going to be so pissed.
Girl with bag: My [body part] looks great in this [item]. [Woman's name] just WISHES she had my [body part].
Friend: Totally. And what does she have?
Girl with bag: (pause) My boyfriend.
silence
Friend: [Woman's name] is a slut. And she's fat. You look sooo good in that [item].
Girl with bag: I do, don't I?
Friend: Absolutely. Totally hot.
Girl with bag: Oh my God. I can't believe I just spent this much money on a [item].
finis