I haven't made a New Years resolution, I mean a proper one, in three years. Like any normal person I go around thinking, "I should really start doing this/stop doing that, accomplish this, take up that, etc etc." My days are paved with good intentions, but I usually run out of steam for the road. Which is not to say I don't have moments of progress - hey, I made a stew the other day! And a creamy tomatillo sauce the day after that! (ok, it was supposed to be a salsa and then it became a sauce; tears were involved) And guacamole the day after that! So, sometimes the small efforts add up to life changes. Sometimes not. Sometimes the spontaneous, non-ceremonial changes are the biggest. Mid-year I resolved to drink more water, and just like that I bought a water bottle and started drinking 64 ounces a day at my desk. At some point last autumn I resolved to start a daily skin care routine, and wear facial sun screen every day; I've done so ever since. Well actually, that last one was thanks to the prodding -- no, manipulation -- of the Russian lover. He's figured out that if you tell me I should do something, it's unlikely to happen. I'll say "Yeah, yeah, whatever." However, if you tell me "You know, you're right, this just isn't something a person like you can probably do" I will flip out inside and vow to prove you wrong. So when he just gave up on suggesting I work on improving my complexion and agreed with me, "yeah, you're right, it's not worth it for you to spend time and money on taking care of your skin since you're not a professional model or anything" I went nuts. Silently nuts. And went out the next day after frenzied research on the efficacy of various potions and lotions and dropped some cash and started a morning/evening routine that I took up without fanfare or mention as a silent daily statement of "you are SO wrong, buddy."
Sometimes we refuse to change for the better because we think unconditional self-acceptance is pyschologically healthy; I have come to believe that unconditonal self-acceptance is bullshit and the equivalent of living your life like a dinosaur in a tar pit; stagnation is nothing but acquiescence to a slow death. Unconditional self-acceptance is the reason why kids grow up and don't know how to accept criticism or pay their bills or fix anything about their life, and therefore, it is the reason i have to put up with surly hipsters serving me coffee. Surly hipsters who love themselves and can't understand why that isn't enough to get them out of their coffeeshop job and give them the fame they know they deserve. Surly hipsters who give me attitude because I am someone who worked their ass off to get out of shitty counter jobs NOW GET ME A LATTE!!! A SKIM LATTE WITH NO SUGAR NO CREAM NO ATTITUDE OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT YOU MELANCHOLY FUCK.
I think this lingering cold is making me peckish. Where was I? This was supposed to be a post about flossing.
So this year I totally forgot about the whole new years resolution tradition, and pretty much skipped that whole New Years drinking tradition; basically, I slept through the whole thing, thanks to the aforementioned cold. Last week someone was trying to work up the balls to ask me out, but he didn't get very far past the icebreaker "so did you make any new year resolutions?" And this reminded me that, in fact, I hadn't. And I decided I would make a belated one, that it had to be simultaneously something really hard and really simple because I just don't have the resources or energy for a big production of a resolution, but I should make up for that by the magnitude of the sheer annoyance of the change required. Which is how I settled on flossing.
For 15 years, I have been promising myself and my dentist that I will start flossing. And every year it has been a bald-faced lie and we both knew it. And because I was blessed with a lifetime of good dental care and good health, I never really felt the NEED to floss. But it has been two years since my last visit (ammendment to the resolution: make dental appointment. do this..tommorow. or sometime.). And I realized that, hey, I'm getting older and youthful optimism is not going to remove the food substance stubbornly lodged between my teeth. Anymore.
Sooo...over the weekend I purchased these lovely little disposable flossing tools; I mean, maybe if I'd known about these before I would have been more enthusiastic about the whole process. I can floss without cutting off the circulation of the fingers about which the waxy twine is wound, and I don't have to shove my knuckle into my throat to reach the back teeth. Brilliant! I was so thrilled I even bought some fancy mouthwash to top off the oral care improvements. Next there will be whitening! Maybe porcelain veneers!
The only problem with self-improvement is that it's awfully hard to stop; like plastic surgery or home rennovations: there will always be something to tweak. But hey, it keeps things interesting.
And when I tell the world that it needs to change? I'm not being a lazy hypocrite.