It has been colder than hell frozen over this past week. It is mind-numbing cold; skin-burning cold; I'm-starting-to-feel-sleepy-so-why-don't-I-just-lay- down-right-here-and-take-a-nap-and-succumb-to-it cold.
It's chilled-to-the-bone cold; it's nipples-hard-as-rock cold. Yes, it's see-my-nipples-standing-up-through-my-sweater cold.
I don't wear a bra. There are a few reasons for this, ranging from sheer laziness to sexual titillation to the fact that no bra at all always looks better than a bad bra. And most bras are bad bras. So there is no line of defense between me and whatever shirt I'm wearing, whether that shirt be a thin cotton tee or a thick wool sweater. And neither I nor anyone else really seems to notice or care about this fact...until a cold wind blows.
What is it about this country that the suggestion of a nipple sends people into spasms about the indecency of it? Is it the fact that the slight bump of erect nipples on a woman's chest reminds us that, wait a minute, those are breasts she's got there underneath her clothes, not just any nondescript mounds of flesh?
Maybe it's offensive that a visible part of a woman's body would have the audacity to become hard, erecting itself into the social field of vision. That sort of anatomical prominance is supposed to be exclusively reserved for men and their dicks, apparently.
I mean, the fear of a nipple announcing itself is so great that beauty stores sell these nipple patches for women whose special occiasion garments require them to go braless. You plaster the sticky-side of the patches over the nipple area of the breasts, effectively taping the little guys down. Now, should a chill breeze blow across your back, or a handsome guy squeeze your butt, you can rest easy knowing that no matter how much your excited nipples strain themselves, they are safely smothered.
What further confused me is why, if a woman is wearing a low-cut, backless, super-short, skintight dress, she feels the need to draw the line of decency at the outline of her nipples. Why are nipples the line between sexy and lewd? Who made this arbitrary designation?
Well, whether it's a result of the residue of a Puritan culture or a conspiracy of the padded-bra industry, the sight of nipples continues to shock and...titillate. And remind Americans that yes, those are in fact breasts women have under their shirts.