Everybody is talking about "going green." I twitch a little every time I hear this phrase, especially when it comes out of the mouths of celebrities. Although really, the media are the only ones talking about "going green." Most of the rest of us are preoccupied with "making green." i.e., the stuff that allows us to keep on paying rent, buying groceries, paying down loans, and saving up for the future.
There is nothing more insulting than some overpaid piece of celebrity trash masturbating his conscience by doing the good deed of imploring the common people to recycle, to turn off the lights in the other room, to ride a bike. I use less energy in my home in a year than the average Beverly Hills resident uses in a week heating and lighting their pool. I use less water in a year taking my long hot showers than the average Beverly Hills resident uses in one summer to water their lawn. When all of California has traded in their sprawling mansions for modest two bedroom apartments, I promise to give a shit about turning off the light in the other room.
Why would I listen to people flying in private gulf stream jets telling me to car pool? Why would I listen to people who wear an outfit only once telling me to recycle? Why would I listen to someone who is paid millions to play pretend for a camera telling me to give from my modest salary to save the earth?
People like me aren't resourceful because it's trendy, or because we are considerate of the earth. We're resourceful because dammit, it is cheaper and easier than being wasteful. When I could barely afford rent in my old apartment, I dilligently turned off lights and kept the heat low in winter. But it wasn't to save energy and therefore be more "green." It was so I could afford the electricity bill. Today, I'm not thinking about the planet when I resuse a plastic bag - I'm thinking about the fact that I don't have to buy another plastic bag. And who wants to spend money on plastics bags when you can spend it on martinis?
Speaking of plastic bags...there is this trendy little cloth tote going around which proclaims in ornate script "I am not a plastic bag." Oh, how clever! Now you can have a little snark with your smug when you go shopping at Whole Foods. It makes me want to go out and get a little tote of my own to go shopping with, except mine would read "I am not a self-satisfied tree-hugging hybrid-driving millionaire hippie douchebag."