I've been taking up yoga again. It's obnoxious to be saying that, and it's even more obnoxious generally to be one of those people who is like "oh yes, i take yoga" and it's even MORE obnoxious to be a cute little twenty-something chick walking around a city with a yoga mat. As much as I am an aspiring urban yuppie, I do try to retain a certain amount of cynicism toward it all. Practicing yoga, and worse, referring to it as "practicing yoga" is like being a caricature of a cliche.
Nevertheless, I love yoga. I like the stretching and the breathing and feeling my own strength and being in my own mind. The gym is like boot camp; yoga is like a spa. It's a great workout, and also a great relaxing, meditative time for me. Almost healing. (I did the math, and an hour of yoga is cheaper than an hour of therapy. So yoga it is! Plus, therapy doesn't help you achieve toned triceps and killer abs.)
I've finally found a yoga teacher whose approach really works for me, and whose flows are a good match for where I'm at with my ability. Her class comes with only one liability. Well, two. First - there's some chanting. And second - there's a tone deaf guy in the class who really, really gets into the chanting.
I have nothing against the "Om" per se. It's a little weird for me, not my thing, but whatever. If she wants to open and close a session with three Oms, I can tolerate it. I grew up in schools that opened and closed with prayer, which is just as weird. And there is something almost soothing about a unison note being hummed in a room with hardwood floors; it resonates in a pleasing, centering kind of way. That is, if the the Om is actually chanted in unison.
I always assumed is was within the capacity of all humans to correctly produce a note to match a frequency they are hearing. Tuning forks, pitch pipes...I have only ever seen people use these with success. I was a choir nerd for years. I'd heard rumors that tone deaf people existed, but I had never met one, despite knowing dozens with perfect pitch. So you can imagine my shock and horror when an otherwise harmonious Om was hijacked. The kid in my yoga class was not just a little off; he was a full two steps on the scale off. Maybe her note is too high for him, and he doesn't know about octaves. Or maybe he doesn't know the Om is supposed to be produced in tonal harmony, and he thinks you just belt out an Om however you feel it.
Whatever his excuse is, he can't possibly be deaf to the fact that he sounds like a cow being slowly and sadistically slaughtered. Which is, you know, precisely the mental place I want to go at the beginning and end of my spirit-cleansing workout. Because nothing brings me more peace of mind personally than the thought of tortured cattle. See, and this is the problem with this kid producing auditory disharmony. It creates thoughts of disharmony. Such as the thought of me creeping up to his mat and strangling him with my yoga strap....it's not like his death throes would sound any different.
And here is where I would throw in a clever joke about Corpse pose if I weren't feeling suddenly lazy.