I was in the kitchen at the office grabbing myself some coffee, when I overheard a couple of other employees chatting by the microwave about how expensive it is being vegetarian. Predictably, they were twenty-something females with a nerdy-chic image. Surprisingly, they weren't that fat.
I've met a lot of vegetarians, and all of them were overweight. This didn't make sense to me at first; I had always assumed that vegetarians would be frail and sickly creatures, subsisting on celery and raisins and rice. Turns out most of them just eat a lot of french fries.
What is really strange is that most vegetarians I've met actually eat fewer fresh fruits and vegetables than I do. I'm an omnivore without a dilemma. I will eat anything that can't outrun me. As an equal opportunity consumer, I'll eat it if it's raw and bleeding, and I'll eat it if it's green and leafy. I snack on fresh fruit during the day, and I eat a big veggie salad every night along with whatever dead animal flesh I'm also consuming. But all of the vegetarians I meet get most of their food out of boxes in the freezer.
Basically, they eat organic vegetarian processed food. Organic vegetarian processed food is basically soy pretending to be every other kind of food. So, vegetarians are people who eat mostly soy. Basically, they share the same diet as the cows and pigs and chickens they refuse to eat. It's an almost poetic solidarity, really. It also explains why they get so fucking fat.
It also explains why it is so expensive to be a vegetarian. The most expensive part of my diet is the meat; hence I was confused why a vegetarian would be bitching about money. But while $20 buys you a week's worth of produce, it only buys you three organic vegetarian frozen dinners. So if you are a vegetarian who doesn't eat fruits and vegetables, no wonder it's making you broke. And just think, you're spending all that money on soy!!!
When you could be spending it on bacon.