Ok, so that previous post where I was so over celebrity gossip? I'm still so over it...but apparently that doesn't mean I've stopped cold turkey. It's more like a boyfriend I've turned into a fuckbuddy, so now instead of daily sex we'll have occasional trysts.
Anyway, today Angelina Jolie confirmed the rumor that she's having twins, which was not so much a rumor as the only explanation for the fact that lately she looks like she's knocked up with a Buick. It wouldn't suprise me either if the twins thing is just a cover and in a few months she gives birth to an entire fucking village.
So she's talking about the pregnancy in an interview, and at some point she says to the reporter "Unlike most women, I actually enjoy being pregnant..."
Back up the bus a moment Ang, so I can slap your smug face. The fact that everyone on the planet wants to sleep with you might finally be going to your head. Sure, when you are Angelina Jolie, you might as well just go ahead and start every sentence about yourself with "Unlike most women." Or how about just leaving it at, "Unlike most women, I am Angelina Jolie."
I think that most women would enjoy being pregnant if they could spend their pregnancy in a chateu in France, or puttering around on Paul Allen's yacht. Yes, if pregnant women had a full personal domestic staff, a nanny to look after each of their other children, and Brad Pitt to rub their tired sore feet....YES, then YES OF COURSE all women would LOVE being pregnant. If that was what pregnancy was like for most women, we'd be pregnant ALL THE TIME.
But for most women, pregnancy is not a hobby to enjoy while taking a 9 month global safari. It is, in fact, a big fucking hassel to have to do everything that most women have to do but do it with a 20 pound weight strapped to the front. Things like driving and cooking and cleaning and going to work and then actually working. So yes, most women don't actually enjoy pregnancy; they just deal with it.
And I'm sure I'm not the first person wondering if maybe there should be a 12-step program for this whole baby thing, the way Angelina is going at it. Crack addicts are less tenacious about acquiring rocks than this woman is about acquiring offspring. Is this what happens when a nymphomaniac mutates?
Unfortunately, there is no rehab for addiction to reproduction. Eventually this woman has to reach a point where she just gets strung out on kids and is found dead in a hotel room surrounded by onesies and sippy cups.