Saturday night the Russian lover and I went out for drinks and dinner and meandering through the city. To celebrate what would probably be the last warm night of the year, I put on a new dress. The dress was sold as a shirt, which is to say it was not much of a dress. (My definition of a dress is anything which clears the bottom of my ass. The Russian lover's definition of a dress is anything which might potentially clear the bottom of my ass.) The Russian lover wore a suit, because he always wears a suit.
Walking arm in arm down Walnut St. where people were heading to and from dinner, we were lost in conversation when a short middle-aged white guy came running across the street and leaped in front of us. Fortunately, he looked like a stereotypical former hipipe/suburban baby boomer and not a cracked out mugger, so the Russian lover's reflexes did not kick in; otherwise, with the way he startled us, he might have found his head kicked in.
The man apologized profusely for interrupting us, and then declared that he felt compelled to inform us that we were an absolutely stunning couple, just absolutely gorgeous, so stylish, and did we know this?
Um. Yes? No? ThankyouverymuchWhatdoyouwantyoucreepyman?
When confronted by awkward compliments or grand gestures, my face freezes into a benevolent and slightly condescending smile. It's a defense mechanism, I think -- an attempt to mask the fact that I'm not sure whether to be delighted and amused or whether to run away. The Russian lover, on the other hand, just squints and slowly, deliberately brings a cigar to his mouth, as if waiting for the other party to wither under his cold scrutiny.
The guy rambled on a little longer, asking where we were from. Because people in Philadelphia just don't look like us, he explained. Don't we know it.
In Philadelphia, dressing up to go out makes you feel like the kid in an 8am college lecture who bothered to put on clothes while everyone else showed up in their pajamas. I never thought I could go outside nearly naked and feel overdressed, but this city has made it possible. And you know it's that bad when total strangers chase you down to tell you so.